Because there is no clear social script for our friends and family, I offer this on my husband's behalf. 

He appreciates concern, but rather than express that emotion with sympathetic hugs, well-intended notes, or your own personal story (especially when he's performing)--his hope is that you will show that love and support by adding a higher level of vigilance and commitment to protecting the little ones in your own circles.

That was his intent for sharing this aspect of his life.

And now, here is my piece for The Atlantic.  It's part of a larger dialogue about pedophilia in our culture, and it's an important discussion to have.
 


Comments

08/27/2013 16:22

Dear Shonna,

I just saw your article show up on my FB feed.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Your compassion, strength, and love are an inspiration to many, and a source of strength and support to your husband that can't be underestimated.

Your piece is vitally important and needs to be read by all survivors and their loved one. I honor both you and your husband. Please know that you have our total support.

You are not alone. It is possible to heal, for all of us.

Christopher M Anderson
Executive Director, MaleSurvivor.org

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Joyce
09/03/2013 15:23

Thank you for your compassionate article regarding the all to common sexual abuse of our children. I adopted a 10 year old seven years ago who endured all forms of abuse, abandonment and neglect. We have had years of trauma therapy and neuro feedback to address his trauma and PTSD.

I believe he is learning to not define himself by his past. He still has difficulty believing he is a person worthy of love and praise. But, he is not the child I took into my home 7 years ago.

He will always have to deal with periods of depression and times when his PTSD resurfaces. Luckily, running and strenuous exercise helps him. He will always need to manage these symptoms. I like to think that the "baggage" he had 7 years ago was the size of a huge cargo container and that now the "baggage" can fit into a weekend size piece of luggage.

I am the lucky one. I was fortunate to have this child miraculously come into my life. He is a loving, kind, emphathetic and careing young man. I love him and I know he loves me.

I have to believe that loving relationships will help him thrive (and not just survive) in his life.

Thank you for helping disseminate information about this matter. These children are not doomed. We first must stop the culture that allows this to happen in homes and institutions. We must support these children with the best therapy and love possible. We must remove the prevalence of SHAME. These children can grow up to be wonderful people, not victims and not shaped by their trauma.

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Anthony
11/10/2013 05:54

Thank you for sharing - not alone, Anthony

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05/10/2014 01:44

Thank you so much for the sharing.

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